Dear Nathalie, Love Mom

Dear Nathalie, You did it. You broke my heart.  Today is the last day of 1st grade and I really thought I'd handle it well. I had you stand at the door and took your photo. You know, so I could compare your first day with your last day.  I drove you to school, dropped you off.  Everything.  Was. Fine. Then I got home. I pulled up my handy "Instacollage" app, pulled your first day photo and your last day photo into the fancy frame and WHAMMO! Instant tears. You have grown SO much in this past school year. Not only are you TALLER, but you have developed such a sharp wit. You're smart. You're a critical thinker. You're reading like crazy. And I'm so proud. And heartbroken.  It's such a joy to watch you grow and really, that's what it's all about. Raising our children so they can become good people and contribute to the world around them in positive ways. And I know you'll do just that.  But it hurts to think back to those days where you were s...

Dear Nathalie, As we were finishing dinner last night, Ron and I were talking about how great you are at being seven. I can't recall exactly what sparked that conversation (mostly because I'm extremely tired and getting older) but right on cue you came over with your little paper fortune teller thing (we used to call them "cootie catchers" when I was little) and told me to pick a color. We went through the whole thing and at the end, my fortune was "You will be a princess." You then went on to read aloud all the fortunes. That you wrote.  You will have xray vision. You will have rainbow vision. You will have an extra arm. You will have an extra eye. You will be a queen. You will be a king. You will be a princess. You will be a prince. You, my dear, are excellent at being seven.  Some of these things I have to start capturing on video because they are much to complicated to translate to mere written words. It's all in how you communicate. The words you us...

Dear Nathalie, Your Wizard of Oz play is this evening. My plan was to drop you off and run a few errands before the play started. I was informed by your teacher that it would be wise to head over and get in line for a seat. So, here I am. I've been sitting here for close to half an hour already. On the floor. Of an elementary school hallway. It's incredibly uncomfortable and in the end, I'm almost certain that I won't even really be able to see you anyway. But, you've been working hard for this play. And even though you wanted to be Dorothy, in your mind "Oz Person" is just as sweet a role. I caught a sneak peek of you in costume heading to the stage with your friends. You look about as adorable as I expected. Break a leg kiddo. Meanwhile, I'll break my back here on the floor. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, I know it's hard to believe. We seem like superheros that can't be stopped ... but mommies get sick, too. I've been feeling a under the weather since Saturday night and finally went to the doctor today. I have strep throat. You were there with me when the doctor said I should keep the talking to a minimum. Immediately after we left, you were non-stop questions. I know it's not in your nature to be quiet. Or to ever. stop. talking. But really, kid, mommy needs a break. In other news, parts for the Wizard of Oz were announced on Friday. You did not get the part of Dorothy, which you seem to be totally okay with....you WILL be playing the part of "Oz Person." You're excited for this because it means I will paint your fingernails green. Also, we enjoyed "Take your daughter to work day" this year.....Photos below. You told me my job was hard and boring and that it's no wonder that I'm tired at the end of the day. (Yo...

Dear Nathalie, You have informed me today that we find out Wednesday what role you'll be playing in the Wizard of Oz production at your school. You also informed me that you're pretty sure you'll get Dorothy because, "...I would make a GREAT Dorothy." So confident. Don't lose that. In other news, Thursday is Take Your Daughter to Work Day. You've been waiting for this almost as long as you've been waiting to play Dorothy. I can't wait to show you what I do! And, we'll be sneaking in a trip to Disneyland. Pictures to follow! Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, Your first grade class is performing The Wizard of Oz at the end of the year. I guess it's a tradition at your school or something. Spencer and Devin both did it. Spencer was a flying monkey and Devin was a munchkin. You first learned about this play last year, in kindergarten, when your class got to watch the first graders do their dress rehearsal. From that day, all you could talk about was how you were going to be Dorothy in the play when YOU were a first grader. Auditions were yesterday. I asked you how you did, and you said, "I don't want to brag, so I'll say I did just as well as everyone else." Ha!!! Confidence! I love it. So now, we wait to see if you got the part of Dorothy. I'm happy to report that you seem to be just fine with being an Oz person if you don't get to be Dorothy, but I really hope you get it. I've got my Facebook Army rooting for you! Best of luck to you, dear Nathalie. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, When I was a kid, we did school pictures once a year. September. That was it. Nowadays, we get a "fall" picture and a "spring" picture. I usually discard the spring pictures because, come on, do I really need to spend more money on an envelope of photos that just gets filed away for some project I'm never going to complete later? This year, I changed my tune. You have changed A LOT in just a few months!!!! How is that possible? You were still so little when you started first grade and now........now you look like a big kid. Stop it. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, This post is more about me than about you. Because, sometimes, it's important for mommies to think about themselves. My birthday was yesterday. I turned blankety blank years old. Bleh. I have a very clear memory of when your grandma turned 30. And then when she turned 40. And then, 50. I hope that you get to have those memories. I hope they stick. I hope you get more of them than I had. As I get older, I start to think more and more about my mom as a person. Not as my mom, but as a woman who went through a lot. I think about the struggles she had growing up. I think about the person she became and the life she created for her family. It's still hard for me to think about your grandma for too long. I still get sad...overwhelmed sometimes with grief. But it is important to keep thinking about her. I have so many of her qualities, both the good and the bad. I have to focus on the bad so I don't repeat some of her mistakes. But the good.....I...

Dear Nathalie, I saw an article the other day.....something about missing out on a childhood by paying too much attention to your cell phone and not your kids. Guilty. So.....I'm changing my ways. It won't be easy....but it's definitely something that needs to happen. I'm glued to my iPhone. You would think I needed it to breath or something. I'm quite disgusted with myself over it, actually. My commitment to you is this: -When you are home with me, the iPhone is on the charging dock. Not in my hands. -There will be ZERO phone in hand when I'm in the car with you. Not even at stoplights. That is time I have with you to TALK. To be SILLY. To have fun and sing and laugh. -I will take a few minutes every night I work late to sit with you and talk about your day, even if it's past your bedtime. It won't be easy, and I'll forget. But I'm going to try very hard. Because really, dear Nathalie, childhood is much to short....and I don't...

Dear Nathalie, I just re-read my last letter to you, and I realized something. In the grand scheme of things, I shouldn't feel awful at all that I've gone another year without posting. When you finally sit down and read these letters, it won't really matter that I missed a whole year. The important thing is that I didn't MISS the whole year. We spent the year doing so many fun things together. You spent the year growing and learning and becoming even more of your own person. I spent the year growing and learning and becoming a better, stronger mommy. Last year was not an easy year for me. A wave of what we fondly call "ninja grief" around here hit me like a ton of bricks and I spent a good portion of my time feeling really down. Your grandpa was able to re-group, re-marry, and start a new chapter of his life. That wasn't easy for mommy. But I see how happy he is....how he hasn't forgotten, just that he decided to keep going. Forward is...