Dear Nathalie,
I haven't written to you in a long time. A few weeks to be exact. I'd like to say it's because I haven't had any time, but that would just be an excuse. There have been so many moments, so many things you've said in the time since I wrote last, that I'm now kicking myself for not recording any of them. The whole idea of this blog was to capture these memories before they get lost. Fail.
What caused this lapse? Why haven't I been writing? Maybe I've been blaming my busy work schedule, but the truth is, I started all this with the same workload I have now.
I think what happened, really, was a change in my emotional state. One of my best friends lost her dad about a month ago. I wrote a little to you about it when it happened, but thinking back, I think that's when I started to "not have time" to blog.
The whole situation was much too close to how I lost your grandma. Without warning. Too young. Grandchildren that will struggle retaining memories. It totally screwed me up.
Since your grandmother died, I've worked very hard to come to terms with all the emotion and grief that goes along with losing your mom. Having a very close friend start her own journey through the grieving process brought everything back.
I'm coming back, though. And not a minute too soon.
You have changed so much in the past few months. Kindergarten has opened up a whole new side of you that I have enjoyed getting to know. You are funny! You love singing. You are so sensitive. I can't describe it much more than that right now. But the pure joy I see in your face everyday when you try to tell me a new joke, or a story about what happened at school, those are the moments that I feel better. That the smile comes back to my face. I miss your grandma so much, and I'm sure I'll have an emotional relapse every now and again....but at least I know, dear Nathalie, what will cheer me up.
You.
Love,
Mom
