Dear Nathalie, Love Mom

Dear Nathalie, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written to you.....I guess when it comes time for you to read all of these, you most likely will just read through them one after another, so it won't seem like so much time has passed. That being said.... Halloween has come and gone. You were The Little Mermaid this year, red wig and all. Everyone loved your costume and you were sure to make sure that everyone that loved your "hair" new that it was just a wig. Silly girl. Now we're getting ready for Thankgsiving and Christmas and then, mommy's least favorite holiday, New Year's Day. It is supposed to be a day of new beginnings. The first day of a new year.....how exciting. I just can't find a lot of joy and hope in that day...not yet anyway. It is still to me the day your grandma died. Nothing whatsoever to celebrate.  I like to think that this year I'm doing better. That a second year without grandma at the holidays wil...

Dear Nathalie, I haven't written to you in a long time.  A few weeks to be exact.  I'd like to say it's because I haven't had any time, but that would just be an excuse.  There have been so many moments, so many things you've said in the time since I wrote last, that I'm now kicking myself for not recording any of them.  The whole idea of this blog was to capture these memories before they get lost.  Fail. What caused this lapse?  Why haven't I been writing?  Maybe I've been blaming my busy work schedule, but the truth is, I started all this with the same workload I have now.  I think what happened, really, was a change in my emotional state.  One of my best friends lost her dad about a month ago.  I wrote a little to you about it when it happened, but thinking back, I think that's when I started to "not have time" to blog. The whole situation was much too close to how I lost your grandma.  Without warning.  Too young....

Dear Nathalie, So, mommy's head has been in a fog for the past couple of weeks.  A very good friend lost her dad, and I have been doing my best to be there for her while trying not to re-live the weeks following your grandma's death.  It isn't easy.  Sleep isn't doing much for me, and today I woke up with a sore back.  As we were sitting at the table this morning, eating breakfast, I was trying to stop being grumpy.  You asked what was wrong and I explained that my back was hurting.  You offered a shoulder massage and with the lightest touch ever, you rubbed my shoulders for approximately 45 seconds.  "Don't you feel much better now, mommy?"  I do.  I feel a million times better.  It's amazing to me how something so small, so innocent, so filled with pure love can change one's mood.  You did it, dear Nathalie....I feel better. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, When you're older, and you're reading through these for the first time, you're really going to hate me for this particular post.  But this is just too good to pass up: Tonight was your first official night of homework.  Your teacher will be sending home a packet of work to be completed throughout the week and you have to bring it back on Fridays.  In the homework notes, she mentions that homework should be a positive experience, that we should make it fun. Mission accomplished!  You got so excited finding items around the house that start with the letter "c" that you forgot to use the bathroom and you peed your pants!  I heard you screaming from the bathroom and I couldn't figure out what was wrong and you were just standing there when I walked in: Nathalie:  Look at what's happening to me! Mommy:  What?!?! Nathalie:  I just wasn't fast enough! Mommy:  I guess you got to excited about homework, huh? Nathalie:...

Dear Nathalie, You will find moments in your life where nothing, absolutely NOTHING will make you feel better than a hug from your baby. I just had one of those moments and you are not here.  You went to Las Vegas this weekend with Ron and the boys to visit the Barretts while mommy had to work...it happens sometimes and it's not that big a deal.  But, this morning I heard some very sad news and all I wanted to do was hold you.  I called Ron and talked to him a bit and he asked if I wanted to talk to you and at first I said no.  Because I didn't want you to hear me crying.   But I stayed on the phone and calmed down a bit and finally asked to talk with you.  And it was just what I needed. You drew a picture for me and wrote me a note, just like you told you me you would when you were away.  I can't wait to see it, dear Nathalie.  And I can't wait to hug you on Monday. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, I wanted to post the three new pictures you added to your journal.  Because, well, journals get lost.  This way, they will be on the internet forever and you can look back and see how creative you were at age 5.  (Which you did NOT get from me, by the way.  Mommy couldn't draw STICK FIGURES at the the age of 5.)  Robot  This was starting out as a picture of you and then you got mad that you drew the legs wrong...so I suggested you make it a robot and you were thrilled at that idea.  Great recovery. Ice Skates    I took me awhile to see the ice skates in this picture....but there they are....I think.  Um....let's work on your ice skate drawings. Peppermint Candy  It's one of those twisty wrappered candies.  So, those are your newest additions.  I'm going to get to doing some housework now.  Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, Tomorrow is picture day at school!  I'm so excited for this, I can't even describe it.  Kindergarten!!  I still can't believe it.  Back to School Night is Thursday and I really can't wait to hear what your teacher has to say about you.  Here are my predictions: "Nathalie is such a talkative kid." or "Nathalie really is a social butterfly." or "Nathalie thinks she knows everything, doesn't she!" I'll update you when I get home Thursday night. In other news, you added more pictures to your journal.  You've hidden it from me at the moment, so I can't take any pictures to post right now.  But you drew a robot, and.....I can't remember.  I'm super exhausted from the long week I just wrapped up.  Mommy is off work for the next two days and I plan to spend some quality time with you on at least ONE of them.  I miss you!  Since you're in school now we don't get to spend my weekdays off alon...