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Dear Nathalie,

This post is more about me than about you.

Because, sometimes, it's important for mommies to think about themselves.

My birthday was yesterday. I turned blankety blank years old. Bleh.

I have a very clear memory of when your grandma turned 30. And then when she turned 40. And then, 50.

I hope that you get to have those memories. I hope they stick. I hope you get more of them than I had.

As I get older, I start to think more and more about my mom as a person. Not as my mom, but as a woman who went through a lot. I think about the struggles she had growing up. I think about the person she became and the life she created for her family.

It's still hard for me to think about your grandma for too long. I still get sad...overwhelmed sometimes with grief. But it is important to keep thinking about her. I have so many of her qualities, both the good and the bad. I have to focus on the bad so I don't repeat some of her mistakes.

But the good.....I'm so grateful for. The good makes me one kick-ass mom. We have a damn good time.

And that, dear Nathalie, is a memory I hope you hold on to.

Love,
Mom

Comments

Dear Nathalie, Day One

Dear Nathalie, This is mommy's first blog and first letter to you. Stay with me on this, it's all new to me. Technology moves fast and there are so many things that are going to change in the coming years, this may seem pretty lame to you by the time you read it. And yes, in case you're wondering, I did steal the idea from a googlechrome commercial. Mommy is not all that creative on her own. But, here we go: You started at a new daycare today! A new adventure for you that seems to have been pretty easy for you to embark upon. The second we walked through the playground gate a little boy walked ran up to you. "Hi! I'm Nevin. Let's be friends! Come play with me on the playground." And off you ran. No goodbye. No hug. No tears. Such a big girl. These are the kind of moments I always thought I'd share with your grandma. I'd drop you off then give her a call and we'd ta...

Nathalie v Concrete

Dear Nathalie, Your adventures at the day care have been exciting so far and you've only been there THREE days! It seems as though you possess the grace that I had at your age. (wah wah) Did I ever tell you about the time I tripped in the cross walk on my way to kindergarten and skinned both my knees? What a sight I was.... So, clearly, the nose took a beating in this one, but you handled the whole thing well. Only four unnecessary bandaids. Well done. More importantly than your fall, I wanted this letter to capture a memory I hope to never lose. We sang your lullaby together tonight. "You are my Sunshine." You sang nearly every word with me in the sweetest voice I've ever heard. It was a make-mommy's-heart-melt kind of moment. You aren't going to be a baby for much longer. You're a big kid starting at a big school in a few months. Now I know what your grandma was talking about when she would tell me that her heart was breaking ev...

Grandpapa

Dear Nathalie, Your Grandpapa passed away today. You asked to go to daycare today because it was water play day. Your favorite. I wish you were home with me though. I'd go pick you up, but I can't stop crying long enough for it to be safe. You loved your Grandpapa....he loved you too. When you were very little, he used to refer to you as "the little fella." When you turned one, he had a shirt made for you that read: I'm not a fella, I'm a girl! We all got a kick out of it. He was so excited to pick out presents for you....dresses, toys to go with your play kitchen. He used to ask your Grandma if she'd go with him to pick out outfits. Before we all moved away (us and your auntie and cousins) Grandpapa would buy all you girls matching easter dresses. He loved it. What was so great about your Grandpapa, my Pepere, was the stories he would tell. He was such a happy man that loved to share so many fun memori...

Dear Nathalie, Love Mom

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