Dear Nathalie, Love Mom

Dear Nathalie, I've been a bad blogger. I completely lost all consistency for posting and I feel terrible. So much has happened and you've grown and changed significantly...I just feel awful. Shaking it off. Starting over. Happy Birthday! You turned six today. SIX!!! I cannot believe how quickly the time goes. I feel like it was literally yesterday that I met you for the very first time...held your little tiny body against my chest and felt and immediate attachment to you. My baby. At 9:22am on that Friday in February, you arrived. You're lucky you were born in the morning. I was born at 2:56pm. Something your grandma used to take very seriously. She would REFUSE to wish me a happy birthday until the clock hit that exact time. No matter what. Every year. The problem with that is, now that she's gone, when it's my birthday......I stare at that clock and wait for that call, even though I know it's never going to come. Oh how I miss her. Especially on speci...

Dear Nathalie, I may have mentioned this before, but you used to have problems with the letters S and P and how they sounded when they were smooshed together. For example, Spencer always came out Semper and Sponge Bob was delightfully referred to as SomeBodge. I miss those days....the days when we had Sprangled Eggs for breakfast and whatnot..... There are still a few instances where you have trouble coming up with the right words for what you're trying to explain to me. I liked that you learned about driddlers in your kindergarten class, but I'm pretty sure that your friend Josh plays with a dreidel around Hanukkah time....the best was yesterday..... "Mommy, can you put on the graham cracker?" "What do you mean....what do you want me to put on the graham cracker? We're in the car I don't have any graham crackers." "No, mommy. The music. The Graham Cracker cd." "You mean the NUTcracker?" "Oh. Yeah." I ...

Dear Nathalie, Well, you did it. You lost your first tooth.....yesterday it was loose and today, it was gone. It fell out while I was at work. I was quite relieved when you explained to me that the Tooth Fairy changes teeth to coins, as I've heard kids are getting bills these days. I tend to think at the age of five bills are completely unecessary. So, coins it is! In other news, you made your Christmas list tonight. I'm posting a picture because it's one of those things I don't want to lose but probably will. I made you sound out all the words yourself, which you weren't too happy about. It's so much easier when people tell you the right letters, but you have to do it on your own sooner or later. I enjoy the simplicity of your list, you told me originally you only wanted free(three) things but added one more because that feather hair barbie is so cool. These past couple of days you've changed again. There are moments that I stop and think, where in the hell...

Dear Nathalie, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written to you.....I guess when it comes time for you to read all of these, you most likely will just read through them one after another, so it won't seem like so much time has passed. That being said.... Halloween has come and gone. You were The Little Mermaid this year, red wig and all. Everyone loved your costume and you were sure to make sure that everyone that loved your "hair" new that it was just a wig. Silly girl. Now we're getting ready for Thankgsiving and Christmas and then, mommy's least favorite holiday, New Year's Day. It is supposed to be a day of new beginnings. The first day of a new year.....how exciting. I just can't find a lot of joy and hope in that day...not yet anyway. It is still to me the day your grandma died. Nothing whatsoever to celebrate.  I like to think that this year I'm doing better. That a second year without grandma at the holidays wil...

Dear Nathalie, I haven't written to you in a long time.  A few weeks to be exact.  I'd like to say it's because I haven't had any time, but that would just be an excuse.  There have been so many moments, so many things you've said in the time since I wrote last, that I'm now kicking myself for not recording any of them.  The whole idea of this blog was to capture these memories before they get lost.  Fail. What caused this lapse?  Why haven't I been writing?  Maybe I've been blaming my busy work schedule, but the truth is, I started all this with the same workload I have now.  I think what happened, really, was a change in my emotional state.  One of my best friends lost her dad about a month ago.  I wrote a little to you about it when it happened, but thinking back, I think that's when I started to "not have time" to blog. The whole situation was much too close to how I lost your grandma.  Without warning.  Too young....

Dear Nathalie, So, mommy's head has been in a fog for the past couple of weeks.  A very good friend lost her dad, and I have been doing my best to be there for her while trying not to re-live the weeks following your grandma's death.  It isn't easy.  Sleep isn't doing much for me, and today I woke up with a sore back.  As we were sitting at the table this morning, eating breakfast, I was trying to stop being grumpy.  You asked what was wrong and I explained that my back was hurting.  You offered a shoulder massage and with the lightest touch ever, you rubbed my shoulders for approximately 45 seconds.  "Don't you feel much better now, mommy?"  I do.  I feel a million times better.  It's amazing to me how something so small, so innocent, so filled with pure love can change one's mood.  You did it, dear Nathalie....I feel better. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, When you're older, and you're reading through these for the first time, you're really going to hate me for this particular post.  But this is just too good to pass up: Tonight was your first official night of homework.  Your teacher will be sending home a packet of work to be completed throughout the week and you have to bring it back on Fridays.  In the homework notes, she mentions that homework should be a positive experience, that we should make it fun. Mission accomplished!  You got so excited finding items around the house that start with the letter "c" that you forgot to use the bathroom and you peed your pants!  I heard you screaming from the bathroom and I couldn't figure out what was wrong and you were just standing there when I walked in: Nathalie:  Look at what's happening to me! Mommy:  What?!?! Nathalie:  I just wasn't fast enough! Mommy:  I guess you got to excited about homework, huh? Nathalie:...