Dear Nathalie, Love Mom

Dear Nathalie, I may have mentioned this before, but you used to have problems with the letters S and P and how they sounded when they were smooshed together. For example, Spencer always came out Semper and Sponge Bob was delightfully referred to as SomeBodge. I miss those days....the days when we had Sprangled Eggs for breakfast and whatnot..... There are still a few instances where you have trouble coming up with the right words for what you're trying to explain to me. I liked that you learned about driddlers in your kindergarten class, but I'm pretty sure that your friend Josh plays with a dreidel around Hanukkah time....the best was yesterday..... "Mommy, can you put on the graham cracker?" "What do you mean....what do you want me to put on the graham cracker? We're in the car I don't have any graham crackers." "No, mommy. The music. The Graham Cracker cd." "You mean the NUTcracker?" "Oh. Yeah." I ...

Dear Nathalie, Well, you did it. You lost your first tooth.....yesterday it was loose and today, it was gone. It fell out while I was at work. I was quite relieved when you explained to me that the Tooth Fairy changes teeth to coins, as I've heard kids are getting bills these days. I tend to think at the age of five bills are completely unecessary. So, coins it is! In other news, you made your Christmas list tonight. I'm posting a picture because it's one of those things I don't want to lose but probably will. I made you sound out all the words yourself, which you weren't too happy about. It's so much easier when people tell you the right letters, but you have to do it on your own sooner or later. I enjoy the simplicity of your list, you told me originally you only wanted free(three) things but added one more because that feather hair barbie is so cool. These past couple of days you've changed again. There are moments that I stop and think, where in the hell...

Dear Nathalie, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written to you.....I guess when it comes time for you to read all of these, you most likely will just read through them one after another, so it won't seem like so much time has passed. That being said.... Halloween has come and gone. You were The Little Mermaid this year, red wig and all. Everyone loved your costume and you were sure to make sure that everyone that loved your "hair" new that it was just a wig. Silly girl. Now we're getting ready for Thankgsiving and Christmas and then, mommy's least favorite holiday, New Year's Day. It is supposed to be a day of new beginnings. The first day of a new year.....how exciting. I just can't find a lot of joy and hope in that day...not yet anyway. It is still to me the day your grandma died. Nothing whatsoever to celebrate.  I like to think that this year I'm doing better. That a second year without grandma at the holidays wil...

Dear Nathalie, I haven't written to you in a long time.  A few weeks to be exact.  I'd like to say it's because I haven't had any time, but that would just be an excuse.  There have been so many moments, so many things you've said in the time since I wrote last, that I'm now kicking myself for not recording any of them.  The whole idea of this blog was to capture these memories before they get lost.  Fail. What caused this lapse?  Why haven't I been writing?  Maybe I've been blaming my busy work schedule, but the truth is, I started all this with the same workload I have now.  I think what happened, really, was a change in my emotional state.  One of my best friends lost her dad about a month ago.  I wrote a little to you about it when it happened, but thinking back, I think that's when I started to "not have time" to blog. The whole situation was much too close to how I lost your grandma.  Without warning.  Too young....

Dear Nathalie, So, mommy's head has been in a fog for the past couple of weeks.  A very good friend lost her dad, and I have been doing my best to be there for her while trying not to re-live the weeks following your grandma's death.  It isn't easy.  Sleep isn't doing much for me, and today I woke up with a sore back.  As we were sitting at the table this morning, eating breakfast, I was trying to stop being grumpy.  You asked what was wrong and I explained that my back was hurting.  You offered a shoulder massage and with the lightest touch ever, you rubbed my shoulders for approximately 45 seconds.  "Don't you feel much better now, mommy?"  I do.  I feel a million times better.  It's amazing to me how something so small, so innocent, so filled with pure love can change one's mood.  You did it, dear Nathalie....I feel better. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, When you're older, and you're reading through these for the first time, you're really going to hate me for this particular post.  But this is just too good to pass up: Tonight was your first official night of homework.  Your teacher will be sending home a packet of work to be completed throughout the week and you have to bring it back on Fridays.  In the homework notes, she mentions that homework should be a positive experience, that we should make it fun. Mission accomplished!  You got so excited finding items around the house that start with the letter "c" that you forgot to use the bathroom and you peed your pants!  I heard you screaming from the bathroom and I couldn't figure out what was wrong and you were just standing there when I walked in: Nathalie:  Look at what's happening to me! Mommy:  What?!?! Nathalie:  I just wasn't fast enough! Mommy:  I guess you got to excited about homework, huh? Nathalie:...

Dear Nathalie, You will find moments in your life where nothing, absolutely NOTHING will make you feel better than a hug from your baby. I just had one of those moments and you are not here.  You went to Las Vegas this weekend with Ron and the boys to visit the Barretts while mommy had to work...it happens sometimes and it's not that big a deal.  But, this morning I heard some very sad news and all I wanted to do was hold you.  I called Ron and talked to him a bit and he asked if I wanted to talk to you and at first I said no.  Because I didn't want you to hear me crying.   But I stayed on the phone and calmed down a bit and finally asked to talk with you.  And it was just what I needed. You drew a picture for me and wrote me a note, just like you told you me you would when you were away.  I can't wait to see it, dear Nathalie.  And I can't wait to hug you on Monday. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, I wanted to post the three new pictures you added to your journal.  Because, well, journals get lost.  This way, they will be on the internet forever and you can look back and see how creative you were at age 5.  (Which you did NOT get from me, by the way.  Mommy couldn't draw STICK FIGURES at the the age of 5.)  Robot  This was starting out as a picture of you and then you got mad that you drew the legs wrong...so I suggested you make it a robot and you were thrilled at that idea.  Great recovery. Ice Skates    I took me awhile to see the ice skates in this picture....but there they are....I think.  Um....let's work on your ice skate drawings. Peppermint Candy  It's one of those twisty wrappered candies.  So, those are your newest additions.  I'm going to get to doing some housework now.  Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, Tomorrow is picture day at school!  I'm so excited for this, I can't even describe it.  Kindergarten!!  I still can't believe it.  Back to School Night is Thursday and I really can't wait to hear what your teacher has to say about you.  Here are my predictions: "Nathalie is such a talkative kid." or "Nathalie really is a social butterfly." or "Nathalie thinks she knows everything, doesn't she!" I'll update you when I get home Thursday night. In other news, you added more pictures to your journal.  You've hidden it from me at the moment, so I can't take any pictures to post right now.  But you drew a robot, and.....I can't remember.  I'm super exhausted from the long week I just wrapped up.  Mommy is off work for the next two days and I plan to spend some quality time with you on at least ONE of them.  I miss you!  Since you're in school now we don't get to spend my weekdays off alon...

Dear Nathalie, When we went to Canada, we bought you a little notebook.  Today you wanted to start drawing in it.  These are your first three pictures.  The first one is you playing baseball.  You wanted to draw yourself in an Angels uniform, but when I told you they wore white, you told me white crayons don't work.  The second one is a picture of your favorite thing.  A big bowl of macaroni and cheese!  The last one is my favorite.  You described it as a picture of you "listening to a melody."  Keep it up, dear Nathalie.  You are an inspired artist. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, We You did it!!!  We You got through your first day of kindergarten!  I'm so proud of you.  Let's add some pictures: In front of the Kindergarten Area This was right before we went through the gate.....I promise, you were NOT the only kid that was having their picture taken.  All the mommies and daddies were taking pictures of their babies   big kids starting school for the first time.  With your nametag This is the spot where you line up before starting your day.  Kids have been lining up for school since the beginning of time, but you put your own little attitude into it didn't you.  Nathalie and Chapstick Just a reminder for you....at your daycare, Sunshine, the counselors there go by nicknames to keep the atmosphere fun, like summer camp.  This picture is of you and Chapstick.  She's the Head Kindergarten Counselor and she was your favorite during the summer program there.  But, you...

You and Mommy in Vancouver, B.C. Dear Nathalie, I haven't written you a letter in awhile...I know.  But we were soooooo worn out from our road trip up to Canada and back that I just haven't had the energy to sit down and write.  Well, let me rephrase that....YOU haven't given me TWO minutes to sit down and write. Since my vacation started, you have been stuck to me like glue.  Aren't you sick of me yet?  I completely understand....but I also just don't get it.  You are ALL over me ALL the time.  I know there will be a time when you want absolutely nothing to do with me and I'll look back and wish for these days when you couldn't get enough of me.  But for now....give mommy a break!!! I did realize today, though, that we will actually be spending less time together once school starts for you. Our routine had become quite comfortable for you.  I would have you stay home with me when I had a day off during the week instead of taking you to day...

Dear Nathalie, We just got back from our family trip for the summer.  We drove all the way up to Vancouver, B.C. and had many stops along the way.  After a massive 23 hours on the road yesterday, mommy is exhausted....I will send you a follow up letter tomorrow.  For now, I need to sleep.  Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, This letter is two-fold. First: STOP GROWING!!! Look at you.  Who do you think you are???  This was this morning before leaving for daycare.  You picked out your own outfit and wanted to wear black shoes to match your "blue-ish/black-ish dress."  You started to go for argyle kneehighs....but thankfully changed your mind.  I can't believe how much you are changing literally EVERY DAY.  I'm not an overly emotional mommy, but I just know that my heart will break the day you start kindergarten.  Anyway, I guess I can't stop it from happening, so I'll be grateful for the fact that you are turning into a pretty cool kid.  Even though you have a bit of an attitude sometimes, you're turning out to be alright.  I'm incredibly impressed.  Secondly: We are certain you will open your own breakfast restaurant someday.  Every morning, some of the first words out of your mouth are:  My tummy is rumbly.  Can I ha...

Dear Nathalie, It seems we've entered a "bratty" stage.  Knock.  That.  Shit.  Off. Your counselor "Smiley" shared with me that you screamed at a little boy TWICE today.  And he did NOTHING wrong.  Not to mention your attitude-laden comment to me yesterday, "you know, mommy, you really should clean your car," and your refusal to be wrong about ANYTHING.  "Well, actually, it's chocolate milk." No.  Not my kid.  Tina Fey (she's a comedienne/actress that is popular right now) wrote a book called Bossypants .  In it, she includes a Mother's Prayer for her Daughter....I'm going to share it with you here, mostly because I need to be reminded of it myself today, but also so that you can have it to reference when YOU become a mom... First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches. May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that d...

Dear Nathalie, Today you wanted to ride your bike.  No problem.  We strapped on your helmet and we were out the door.  You are getting MUCH better at pedaling and keeping your eyes ahead.  Moving around the cars without getting into the middle of the street, also becoming a strength.  Here's what we need to work on: -You will very rarely find yourself going too fast UPHILL.  It is not necessary to brake every five seconds because you "went to fast, mommy." -You cannot get mad at the neighbors when they don't respond to your tiny little bike bell.  They are in their cars. With the windows rolled up. -Downhill is the FUN of bike riding....let loose!  FLY down the street....it's thrilling.  I promise. -When mommy says, "Keep pedaling, keep pedaling, KEEP PEDALING!", it's probably because you don't have enough speed to stay upright on that incline and you will most likely fall over.  Which you did.  And I laughed. To ...

Dear Nathalie, Well, after a tough week last week, we're sort of back to our day to day routine.  Yesterday was pretty exciting though....we started Back to School shopping!!! You start kindergarten in a MONTH.  Wow.  What a big girl you are already.  It was really fun taking you to Target and picking out school supplies.  It's a pretty small list for kindergarten, but you were still very into it.  We picked out your crayons, pencils, erasers....all the good stuff. Today, after work, I stopped into a few "little kid's stores," as you like to call them, and picked out a few tshirts and a dress....possibly for picture day.  :)  So cute.  So exciting. Mommy's first day of school feels like yesterday.  I wore a pink and white dress that MY Grandma made for me.  I'm pretty sure I had knee socks on.  I LOVED kindergarten.  Actually, I loved school most of the time.  I'm so excited for you, dear Nathalie, to start th...

Dear Nathalie, So....you still have trouble making the "th" sound.  I may have added a complication to this particular combination of letters by spelling your name the way I did.  Blame it on the french in me.  It's something you're going to have to deal with your whole life....people mispronouncing your name.  Mommy had to deal with that with her last name...still dealing with it.  Anyway..... You are, at present, watching Toy Story 3 for the...oh, I don't know.....100th time.  Mommy can't watch it with you....I cry every time.  There are two scenes in particular that get me.  Of course, the moment when the toys all hold hands and resign themselves to a fiery death.....such brave little guys.  The real tear-jerker though....the moment Andy's mom walks into his empty room and realizes her little boy is all grown up and moving away. I think that is a moment every parent fears.  I can't spend too much time thinking about when YOU'RE ...

Dear Nathalie, Your Grandpapa passed away today.  You asked to go to daycare today because it was water play day.  Your favorite.  I wish you were home with me though.  I'd go pick you up, but I can't stop crying long enough for it to be safe. You loved your Grandpapa....he loved you too.  When you were very little, he used to refer to you as "the little fella."  When you turned one, he had a shirt made for you that read:  I'm not a fella, I'm a girl!  We all got a kick out of it. He was so excited to pick out presents for you....dresses, toys to go with your play kitchen.  He used to ask your Grandma if she'd go with him to pick out outfits.  Before we all moved away (us and your auntie and cousins) Grandpapa would buy all you girls matching easter dresses.  He loved it. What was so great about your Grandpapa, my Pepere, was the stories he would tell.  He was such a happy man that loved to share so many fun memori...

Dear Nathalie, Tonight, while saying goodnight to everyone, Ron told you to be sure to have sweet dreams. Ron:  Dream of sweet things like ladybugs. Nathalie:  And castles. Ron:  And flowers. Nathalie:  And unicorns. Ron:  And glitter. Nathalie:  And ROBOTS. Then....the dance...... Thanks for the laughs tonight.  You're the best. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, It's "Crazy Day" at your daycare today.  We got you all decked out with three ponytails and mismatched socks and shoes.  Why does this warrant a letter?  Because of the way you asked if I'd take your picture. Nathalie:  Mommy, can we take fashion pictures? Mommy:  uhhhh, yeah, we can take pictures. Nathalie:  Okay, I want to do three fashion pictures. Here's what happened next: Fashion Picture # 1 Fashion Picture #2 Fashion Picture #3 WTF are you watching on tv?  Is Wow Wow Wubbzy something I need to pay closer attention to??  Mickey Mouse Clubhouse features America's Next Top Model?  You are a silly, silly little girl, dear Nathalie. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, Tonight you told me you want a bigger family.  You said you want eight people in your family.  That means three more babies. No. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, Every month I wipe down the white board calendar and fill in a new month. You're usually there with me and you always ask if there are any birthdays and what holidays are coming up.  Well, July is a busy month!  There are tons of holidays and birthdays.  Your grandpa has his birthday on the 3rd.  Then there's Independence Day.  And of course, Bastille Day.  When I drew the French flag and a loose interpretation of the Eiffel Tower, you knew right away that it was a holiday that had something to do with France...so SMART. Here is how our conversation went: Nathalie:  Mommy, are we ever going to see Paris? Mommy:  Yes, of course.  Someday mommy will take you to see Paris. Nathalie:  We can meet a lot of french people there. Mommy:  Yes, I'm sure we will. Nathalie:  French people speak french.  It's also called France. Very nice, Captain Obvious.  All joking aside,  when you were...

Dear Nathalie, Mommy had one of her very late nights at work again.  You asked me, again, today when would I be able to stay home with you all the time.  I know you're only five and you don't understand the idea of needing an income, but every time you ask me that I feel so guilty for having to be a working mom.  Yes, it's true, I love what I do.  I'm good at my career...that's why I've been doing it for so long.  But if it were economically possible, mommy would quit her job in a heart beat and stay home with you.  I grew up with two working parents.  I was a daycare kid when I was your age, too.  The whole idea of "stay-at-home-moms" seemed so silly to me before I had you.  But those weeks...those few precious weeks of vacation I have every year, when I DO get to stay home with you.....they are the best weeks of my life.  Not just because I get to spend time with you....that's awesome...but I also get to prepare MEALS for th...

Dear Nathalie,   It is just about 7:30 on a Thursday evening.  We, your family, all sat down to eat dinner at around 6:30.  As you can see from the picture, this is yet another instance in which you have found yourself alone at the dinner table.    I have to say, I was a slow eater as a child.  I would talk and talk and talk through dinner, telling stories of my day or just jabbering on about nonsense.  I found myself alone at the table a lot too....but I eventually grew out of that.  I get frustrated with you throughout our meals.  If someone were to walk by the house, they would undoubtedly here me yelling, "Nathalie, eat your FOOD."  There comes a point when I just have to get up from the table.  Sometimes Ron will sit there with you.  Sometimes he won't.  You just don't seem to change your routine.  I can't remember the last time we sat down for a meal and you didn't drop your fork.  Or a time when you had to get a spoon instead.  Or needed to do just...

Dear Nathalie, This is an older picture but let it serve as a reminder of how FABULOUS you are! Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, You woke up with a fever today and in a strained voice told me you weren't feeling well.  I hate it when you're sick.  I feel like I can't do anything to make it better.  But I try.  I got the most disgusting sore throat medicine they make, but only because it's the only kind available.  I remember how much I hated it when I was little.  One spray on your throat and the smell of the Chloroseptic brought me back to the days I would get sore throats.  It smelled just as awful as I remembered.  What I love about you, though, is even at your sickest, you are always in the best of spirits.  You laugh and make jokes and smile and ask for hugs and tickles and it's just so amazing.  I hope you wake up feeling better.  Maybe tomorrow we'll get an ice cream when I get off of work. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie,   Your adventures at the day care have been exciting so far and you've only been there THREE days!  It seems as though you possess the grace that I had at your age.  (wah wah)  Did I ever tell you about the time I tripped in the cross walk on my way to kindergarten and skinned both my knees?  What a sight I was....   So, clearly, the nose took a beating in this one, but you handled the whole thing well.  Only four unnecessary bandaids.  Well done.   More importantly than your fall, I wanted this letter to capture a memory I hope to never lose.  We sang your lullaby together tonight.  "You are my Sunshine."  You sang nearly every word with me in the sweetest voice I've ever heard.  It was a make-mommy's-heart-melt kind of moment.  You aren't going to be a baby for much longer.  You're a big kid starting at a big school in a few months.  Now I know what your grandma was talking about when she would tell me that her heart was breaking ev...

Dear Nathalie, A photo of you when we went to tour your new school! Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, I'm testing the email function on this blog posting stuff.  You and your friends can laugh at me if you want to, I still love you.  I hope you appreciate my willingness to embarass myself for you. Love, Mom

Dear Nathalie, This is mommy's first blog and first letter to you.  Stay with me on this, it's all new to me.  Technology moves fast  and there are so many things that are going to change in the coming years, this may seem pretty lame to you by the time you read it.  And yes, in case you're wondering, I did steal the idea from a googlechrome commercial.  Mommy is not all that creative on her own.  But, here we go: You started at a new daycare today!  A new adventure for you that seems to have been pretty easy for you to embark upon.  The second we walked through the playground gate a little boy walked ran up to you.  "Hi!  I'm Nevin.  Let's be friends!  Come play with me on the playground." And off you ran.  No goodbye.  No hug.  No tears.  Such a big girl.  These are the kind of moments I always thought I'd share with your grandma.  I'd drop you off then give her a call and we'd ta...