Late night letter

Dear Nathalie,

Mommy had one of her very late nights at work again.  You asked me, again, today when would I be able to stay home with you all the time.  I know you're only five and you don't understand the idea of needing an income, but every time you ask me that I feel so guilty for having to be a working mom. 

Yes, it's true, I love what I do.  I'm good at my career...that's why I've been doing it for so long.  But if it were economically possible, mommy would quit her job in a heart beat and stay home with you. 

I grew up with two working parents.  I was a daycare kid when I was your age, too.  The whole idea of "stay-at-home-moms" seemed so silly to me before I had you.  But those weeks...those few precious weeks of vacation I have every year, when I DO get to stay home with you.....they are the best weeks of my life.  Not just because I get to spend time with you....that's awesome...but I also get to prepare MEALS for the family...I'm able to keep house.....a concept that is so foreign to a lot of women these days.

I had it in my head that I would always be a career woman.  "I can be super-mom:  work, help at school functions, have an orderly house, make great meals......"   HA!  I feel like I'm barely holding on sometimes.  My schedule is so completely out of whack compared to the people that are most important in my life and I feel like I'm missing so much.

So, dear Nathalie, when you ask me if I can just stay home with you all the time....please know that my heart says YESSSSSSS!  But the bills say no.  I wish that, at minimum, I could have a normal work schedule so that life would seem somewhat more in balance.  At present I can't change that....maybe by the time you read this particular letter in my series to you, I will have figured something else out....But please know that all my hard work is so that I can provide a decent life for you and the rest of our little family.  And know that I love you SO much.

Love,
Mom

Dinner for One

Dear Nathalie,

 

It is just about 7:30 on a Thursday evening.  We, your family, all sat down to eat dinner at around 6:30.  As you can see from the picture, this is yet another instance in which you have found yourself alone at the dinner table. 

 

I have to say, I was a slow eater as a child.  I would talk and talk and talk through dinner, telling stories of my day or just jabbering on about nonsense.  I found myself alone at the table a lot too....but I eventually grew out of that.  I get frustrated with you throughout our meals.  If someone were to walk by the house, they would undoubtedly here me yelling, "Nathalie, eat your FOOD."  There comes a point when I just have to get up from the table.  Sometimes Ron will sit there with you.  Sometimes he won't.  You just don't seem to change your routine.  I can't remember the last time we sat down for a meal and you didn't drop your fork.  Or a time when you had to get a spoon instead.  Or needed to do just one more thing.  I'm not a mommy that likes to bargain.  You'll rarely hear me say "Just two more bites and you can get up."  I really believe you need to eat your dinner.

 

So there you sit.  Eating alone.  One day, like me, you'll grow lonely at the table.  You'll learn to pick up the pace and keep your mouth shut long enough to enjoy your food while it's hot.  Until then, I know your grandma is up in heaven laughing at me.  The predicament I'm now in with my own, painfully slow, eater.

 

Love,

Mom

Reminder!

Dear Nathalie,

This is an older picture but let it serve as a reminder of how FABULOUS you are!

Love,
Mom

"I don't think I feel well."

Dear Nathalie,

You woke up with a fever today and in a strained voice told me you weren't feeling well.  I hate it when you're sick.  I feel like I can't do anything to make it better.  But I try.  I got the most disgusting sore throat medicine they make, but only because it's the only kind available.  I remember how much I hated it when I was little.  One spray on your throat and the smell of the Chloroseptic brought me back to the days I would get sore throats.  It smelled just as awful as I remembered. 

What I love about you, though, is even at your sickest, you are always in the best of spirits.  You laugh and make jokes and smile and ask for hugs and tickles and it's just so amazing.  I hope you wake up feeling better.  Maybe tomorrow we'll get an ice cream when I get off of work.

Love,
Mom

Nathalie v Concrete

Dear Nathalie,

 

Your adventures at the day care have been exciting so far and you've only been there THREE days!  It seems as though you possess the grace that I had at your age.  (wah wah)  Did I ever tell you about the time I tripped in the cross walk on my way to kindergarten and skinned both my knees?  What a sight I was....

 

So, clearly, the nose took a beating in this one, but you handled the whole thing well.  Only four unnecessary bandaids.  Well done.

 

More importantly than your fall, I wanted this letter to capture a memory I hope to never lose.  We sang your lullaby together tonight.  "You are my Sunshine."  You sang nearly every word with me in the sweetest voice I've ever heard.  It was a make-mommy's-heart-melt kind of moment.  You aren't going to be a baby for much longer.  You're a big kid starting at a big school in a few months.  Now I know what your grandma was talking about when she would tell me that her heart was breaking every time I got taller.  Babies grow up and move away.  They make new friends and form opinions.  Sooner or later, babies aren't dependent on their mommies anymore.

 

I love you, bug.  Please keep that sweet voice as long as you can.

 

Love,

Mom

Photo Post

Dear Nathalie,

A photo of you when we went to tour your new school!

Love,
Mom

Test blog

Dear Nathalie,

I'm testing the email function on this blog posting stuff.  You and your friends can laugh at me if you want to, I still love you.  I hope you appreciate my willingness to embarass myself for you.

Love,
Mom

Dear Nathalie, Day One

Dear Nathalie,

This is mommy's first blog and first letter to you.  Stay with me on this, it's all new to me.  Technology moves fast  and there are so many things that are going to change in the coming years, this may seem pretty lame to you by the time you read it.  And yes, in case you're wondering, I did steal the idea from a googlechrome commercial.  Mommy is not all that creative on her own.  But, here we go:

You started at a new daycare today!  A new adventure for you that seems to have been pretty easy for you to embark upon.  The second we walked through the playground gate a little boy walked ran up to you. 

"Hi!  I'm Nevin.  Let's be friends!  Come play with me on the playground."

And off you ran.  No goodbye.  No hug.  No tears.  Such a big girl. 

These are the kind of moments I always thought I'd share with your grandma.  I'd drop you off then give her a call and we'd talk about how not so long ago you were just a little bug.  And then she'd tell me about my first days in school and we'd laugh and cry and laugh some more.  But life totally sucks sometimes, and we know grandma can't answer the phone.  Mommy misses her so much sometimes, and I know you tell me you miss her, too.  My worry is that you won't remember her all that much after a few years pass.  But I'll do my best to keep her memory alive for you...share stories, look at pictures, watch videos (there's that ancient technology again.)

Anyway, dear Nathalie,  I really didn't want to get all mushy.  I just want to say that I love you and that I'm so excited for your new adventures....don't grow up too fast.

Love,
Mom