Late night letter

Dear Nathalie,

Mommy had one of her very late nights at work again.  You asked me, again, today when would I be able to stay home with you all the time.  I know you're only five and you don't understand the idea of needing an income, but every time you ask me that I feel so guilty for having to be a working mom. 

Yes, it's true, I love what I do.  I'm good at my career...that's why I've been doing it for so long.  But if it were economically possible, mommy would quit her job in a heart beat and stay home with you. 

I grew up with two working parents.  I was a daycare kid when I was your age, too.  The whole idea of "stay-at-home-moms" seemed so silly to me before I had you.  But those weeks...those few precious weeks of vacation I have every year, when I DO get to stay home with you.....they are the best weeks of my life.  Not just because I get to spend time with you....that's awesome...but I also get to prepare MEALS for the family...I'm able to keep house.....a concept that is so foreign to a lot of women these days.

I had it in my head that I would always be a career woman.  "I can be super-mom:  work, help at school functions, have an orderly house, make great meals......"   HA!  I feel like I'm barely holding on sometimes.  My schedule is so completely out of whack compared to the people that are most important in my life and I feel like I'm missing so much.

So, dear Nathalie, when you ask me if I can just stay home with you all the time....please know that my heart says YESSSSSSS!  But the bills say no.  I wish that, at minimum, I could have a normal work schedule so that life would seem somewhat more in balance.  At present I can't change that....maybe by the time you read this particular letter in my series to you, I will have figured something else out....But please know that all my hard work is so that I can provide a decent life for you and the rest of our little family.  And know that I love you SO much.

Love,
Mom