You did it. You broke my heart.
Today is the last day of 1st grade and I really thought I'd handle it well. I had you stand at the door and took your photo. You know, so I could compare your first day with your last day.
I drove you to school, dropped you off.
Everything.
Was.
Fine.
Then I got home. I pulled up my handy "Instacollage" app, pulled your first day photo and your last day photo into the fancy frame and WHAMMO!
Instant tears.
You have grown SO much in this past school year. Not only are you TALLER, but you have developed such a sharp wit. You're smart. You're a critical thinker. You're reading like crazy. And I'm so proud.
And heartbroken.
It's such a joy to watch you grow and really, that's what it's all about. Raising our children so they can become good people and contribute to the world around them in positive ways. And I know you'll do just that.
But it hurts to think back to those days where you were so dependent on me for everything. Your little cry for food, or snuggles or a diaper. Long have they passed.
It's milestones like these that bring out the pain of losing your grandma so soon. These are the kinds of days I should be able to pick up the phone and call my mom and compare emotions.
Was it this hard for you when I finished 1st grade?
Did you cry like a baby when you realized that someday I'd grow up and move out?
Can you believe how BIG she is already?
And I can just hear my mom's voice telling me "Now you know."
Now I know why it was so hard for her to watch me pack my bags and move to San Francisco.
Now I know why she was completely okay with me moving back.
Now I know why she was SO worried about some of the choices I made when I was dating less than awesome boys.
Now I know why she dropped everything to help me take care of you.
Because our babies are always our babies. No matter how big they get. How bratty they may behave. How mad they may be with us for trying to "meddle in their business."
They are ours to protect and guide and love. Even if we have a hard time showing it sometimes.
So remember, dear Nathalie, that you are MY baby. And I'll love you for always.
Congratulations on making it through 1st grade. Now I just have to make it through eleven more of these.
Love,
Mom
Dude! You're making ME cry!!! My favorite part is "less than awesome boys"! Congrats to Nathalie and congrats to you Mom for making it through first grade! I hope one day I get to have the same tears you have!! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Tam!! The tears are definitely bittersweet.
Deletexoxo
Yup. Tears. Your mom should be here. It's not fair to that she was taken away from you so soon. I'm glad she did get the time she did with Nat and she did get to watch you grow into a mother. I know that made her so proud and so happy.
ReplyDeleteAs for Nat, I can not believe how much she has grown! Are you sure you've got the right age? She looks way older than she should! What are you spiking her food with lady? She looks so much more mature too. Darn kids grow too stinkin fast.